Musings of a Hotdogdeprived SeeD
by lady-orexis
Summary: The cafeteria ran out of hotdogs again and Zell's at the end of his rope.


Zell is pissed. There is just no other word for it. It's bound to happen sometime. A week without being able to eat hotdog is his limit. Now, he is sure that 'somebody' from the cafeteria staff is actually trying to make his life miserable. He sat on one of the table closest to counter glaring at the lunch lady. He suspects that the woman is still holding a grudge over getting beaten at the Triple Triad card game she played with him.

Right now the martial artist is just looking for an excuse to punch somebody. He let out a growl and then continued glaring at the lunch lady some more.

"What's wrong Zell?" chirped Selphie from behind him. "Not eating?" She asked surprised that Zell has not even ordered anything at all. She occupied the seat in front of him.

"Not hungry..." he replied grumpily.

"You saying that is even more surprising. Who are you and what did you do to the real Zell?" she faked a horrified look on her face and then giggled shrilly which seem to hurt Zell's ears up close.

"Wanna share mine?" she offered.

Zell doubtfully looked at what stuff Selphie had manage to put in her tray. There was a plate which looked like pudding on it but it was topped with what seemed to be curry. On a separate plate is chocolate ice cream with what suspiciously looks like pureed liver and onions on top. After that, he avoided looking at the tray.

"Ah... no thanks." he quickly shook his head. The sight succeeded in making him lose his appetite even more.

The girl sometimes scares Zell. He is not even sure what exactly goes through the girl's head most of the time but hey, he is not that insane yet. Seeing the girl grin made him shiver sometimes though. He swore he could see an evil glint on her eyes when Selphie plans to do something. The way she comes up with ideas sure is frightening everyone even Irvine, her self-proclaimed admirer *coughstalkercough*.

"Ah... Sephie. You can share your lunch with me." Irvine languidly sauntered to their table, yawning.

_Speak of the devil and he would come._ Zell rolled his eyes at Irvine.

Irvine continued yawning. Zell silently hoped the guy's jaws would crack. He bet his SeeD allowance the guy stayed up all night watching porn.

"Want some?" Selphie gestured at her tray still giggling.

_Oh hell no… I'm not in the mood to get stuck with these two._

"Sure—Oh hello there lovely ladies!" Irvine was distracted when the Diamond Duo passed by.

"Irvine Kinneas!" Quistis came and scolded the playboy. "Stop hitting on every female student you see."

The guy shrugged and then sat down. When he saw the food on Selphie's tray, he made a futile attempt to refuse but he was silenced when the disgusting combination of food was shoved down his throat.

"And what's wrong with you, Zell?" Quistis turned to him. "You seem to be awfully quiet."

"He's PMS-ing." Selphie whispered to her but it didn't escape Zell and Irvine's ears.

Irvine spurted out the water he was trying to drink and then burst out laughing. Quistis and Selphie doubled over.

If looks could kill, three homicide victims would be lying at Zell's feet by now.

"Not funny." He growled.

"What's funny?" Squall asked as he got near their table.

"Nah… we're just talking about a certain someone's time of the month." Selphie replied pointing at Zell.

"Huh?" Squall look at them questioningly. Quistis whispered something to Squall while Zell gave them a really dirty look.

"Pft." The scar-faced guy tried to keep himself from laughing. And here Zell thought the guy had no ounce of humor. Squall settled himself with a smirk.

_What the hell's wrong with everyone_? Zell gritted his teeth in annoyance. Everyone was suddenly out to get him. _It's that freakin' lunch lady's fault!_

"That's right laugh… today is 'pick on Zell day'." He muttered bitterly. His foul mood has increased tenfold. It won't be long till he snaps.

"Come on, Zell. It's not that bad. At least nobody called you a chicke—" Selphie stopped herself just in time.

Zell threw her a say-it-and-you-will-regret-it look.

Too bad he still fears his mother's wrath if his temper got the better of him and no he doesn't want another session with Dr. Kadowaki thank you very much.

_If there was only a way to get back at them just once without resorting to violence… _he thought.

"Oh Squall!" Rinoa called. She has this huge grin on her face which reminds Zell of the annoying doll he once butchered despite of his sister's pleading. Seeing that silly grin plastered on the girl's face sometimes makes him think he should probably do the same. Not that he would dare to do it anyway considering Squall might unleash his Renzokuken on him.

The girl carried a tray of food which Zell suspects Rinoa had cooked herself. Lately, the girl had been into cooking. Zell knew that she doesn't really have the skills nor the patience to do that kind of thing. Surprisingly, she seems to have persevered.

_Or not._ He mentally noted as soon as Rinoa put down the food.

"What's that supposed to be?" Zell asked scrunching his nose at it.

"It's stew." Rinoa answered happily. "I'd like you all to taste it."

Everyone looked at the tray skeptically. Bits and pieces of who knows what floated in the murky violet concoction. Even the smell is close to something like rotten onions.

"Dig in." she urged them.

"Not hungry…" Zell immediately refuse. At least he already has an excuse so it doesn't matter to him if Rinoa looked upset at his refusal.

The guys hesitantly look at each other then at Rinoa and then at the stew.

An imaginary lightbulb appeared above his head. Maybe this is the payback Zell is hoping for.

Zell whispered to the others. "You don't wanna offend Rinoa now, do you?"

That seems to have worked. Squall looked pokerfaced but Zell saw his urge to cringe.

"All right. I'll taste it." Selphie volunteered. She took the first bite.

The others stared as if waiting for Selphie to drop dead.

"Wow. This tastes really good." Selphie exclaimed and turn to get another serving.

Convinced that the 'stew' is actually edible, they decided to get mouthfuls of the ugly-smelly concoction.

_Heh. You people seemed to have forgotten that Selphie have really odd taste buds_.

As soon as it touched their mouths, their faces turned green.

Zell laugh maniacally in his mind. Everybody would be going for a trip to Dr. Kadowaki.

Squall's usually sullen face have turned ghastly pale before quickly turning blue. Quistis looked misty-eyed, almost about to cry and hands over her mouth while Irvine continuously banged his head on the table. They tried to keep themselves from barfing.

"Is it good?" Rinoa asked, totally oblivious to their reaction.

Zell was quite thankful for the fact that the girl can be so dense most of the time.

"Yeah! Look! It was obviously so good they'd like another serving." He added slyly. "Right?"

Their friends shook their heads rapidly in despair making it look like they were actually nodding. Zell actually thought they were already in the verge of convulsing. Seeing that they couldn't even open their mouths to voice their opinion, Rinoa took their response as a yes.

"If that's the case, I'll cook another batch." Rinoa said happily clapping her hands and then turned to go back to the kitchen.

Irvine, Quistis and Squall seemed determined not to puke their guts out but Zell is not gonna let them get off that easy.

"You guys okay?" he asked grinning evilly. "Maybe you should help yourself with Selphie's lunch, too. Let's see. She has pudding with curry, peanut butter omelets, ice cream with pureed liver and onions. And oh, guess what? She also has Marlboro juice smoothies."

At the mention of Selphie's lunch foods, the three was unable to hold it in and did a mad rush for the nearest barf bag they could find.

This time, Zell howled with laughter.

"That's mean." Selphie glared at him hands at her waist. The girl wasn't affected about the food at all—another proof of her eccentricity.

Zell shrugged and then stood up. He gave a disgusted looked at Selphie's tray and then sniffed.

"By the way, did you know why I didn't eat?" Selphie shook her head slowly.

"Because the lunch lady was whispering something about the rat infestation before lunch." He grinned at the girl. She gave him a doubtful look.

"Come to think of it, I might have seen you chewing on a rat tail earlier." He turned to leave with a smug look on his face.

With that, the girl ran away screaming at the top of her lungs, "I ate a rat! There was a rat in my lunch! Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!"

The other Balamb students in the cafeteria had a horrified expression and looked down their lunches before turning to the counter.

No doubt a certain lunch lady would probably be questioned by the headmaster soon.

Zell left the cafeteria (grabbing an abandoned hotdog on one of the table) in a considerably good mood. "Revenge is sweet." He said, chuckling to himself.


End file.
